“Youth” -「若さ」 Quote by Samuel Ullman, written by my grandfather Genchu Yamaguchi
On January 30th, my grandfather passed away.
Today, February 19th is his “mi-nano-ka” (Buddhist service on the 21st day to mourn for the death).
We knew that it was coming sooner or later, but it was only three days after I landed back in San Francisco – I heard from my mother that my grandpa is in critical condition. I immediately booked a flight and flew right back to Japan. Everything happened so fast. And it felt like it was the longest flight I’ve ever taken in my life.
After 22 hours of traveling, I arrived at the hospital in Sapporo around 5pm and I was able to see him breathing. He has lost his consciousness already that his body was just instinctively breathing, while his heart was still weakly beating. Time was ticking – the doctor was not sure if he will make it until my sister arrives from Denmark, but we kept talking to grandpa — please stay alive, keep breathing until she gets here to see you — and all of us witnessed how strong my grandpa’s heart was that he stayed with us until my sister arrived at 10pm. My entire family and I were able to see him off together. After midnight, he passed away very slowly and peacefully.
My grandfather left us hope than sadness when he was gone. He made us believe in physical and mental strength in our family’s blood, and more than anything, he taught us the meaning of life – that we all live for love.
He was very good at calligraphy when he was young. He left us his beautiful handwritten quote from Samuel Ullman’s poetry “Youth.” It was on a bookshelf in our library room in the house since when I was little. I wanted to take a moment and share this beautiful quote and a piece of work; when I sit with this piece, each phrase deeply resonates with me. It’s written in a unique order and different from Ullman’s original, but this is how grandpa wrote in his order:
Youth
You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt;
as young as your self‐confidence, as old as your fear,
as young as your hope, as old as your despair.Nobody grows old merely living by a number of years;
we grow old only by deserting our ideals.Years may wrinkle the skin,
but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.Poem by Samuel Ullman
***
１月３０日深夜、祖父が亡くなりました。今日、２月１９日は、三七日忌。
三週間前 – 新たな生活＆制作活動拠点を構築すべく、サンフランシスコに戻ってきてからたった３日後、母から祖父危篤との連絡が。すぐに航空券を取り、次の日の夕方にはサンフランシスコを飛び立った。心のどこか落ち着かないフライトの末の渡米、アトリエ探しに精を出しながらちょうど祖父に送る手紙を書いていた矢先の連絡。溢れる涙をこらえきれず、この北海道までのフライトが人生で一番長いものに感じた。
２２時間後、夕方５時頃に札幌の病院に無事到着。もう意識はなかったが、心臓も動いていて、呼吸もしていた。おじいちゃん、間に合ったよ。アメリカから戻ってきたよ。医師は、残る時間は少なくいつ心臓が止まってもおかしくないと告げた。デンマークから向かっている妹が間に合うように、家族みんなで声をかけた。おじいちゃんがんばって、もう少しだよ。一進一退を繰り返しながらも、夜１０時頃、妹も無事到着し祖父の顔を見ることができ、祖父の頑固さと心臓の強さに、家族みんな目を見張った。いのちのちから。おじいちゃんが、体を張って私たちに教えてくれた。夜中の0時57分頃、家族みんなで、とてもゆっくりと安らかに眠りゆく祖父を看取ることが出来た。
旅立ちとともに、悲しみよりも希望を、祖父は残してくれた。一家の血に流れる生命力と精神力の強さを、改めて実感させてくれた。そして何よりも、わたしたちはみな、ほんとうに「愛」のために生きているんだと、教えてくれた。
祖父がまだ若かりし頃に書いた「若さ」と題されたサムエル・ウルマンの詩。この詩は、私が物心ついた頃からずっと家の書斎の本棚に飾られていました。今となっては、祖父がどんな風にこの詩に出会い、どんな思いで筆をとりこの詩を書きしたためたのかはわからないけれど、時代を超えてこの詩が、孫娘である私の手元に。目で追う一行一行が、胸にしみます。
サミュエル・ウルマンの詩「青春」（原文）
青春とは人生のある期間を言うのではなく心の様相を言うのである。
優れた創造力、逞しき意志、
炎ゆる情熱、怯懦を却ける勇猛心、
安易を振り捨てる冒険心，
こう言う様相を青春と言うのだ。
年を重ねるだけで人は老いない。
理想を失う時に初めて老いがくる。
歳月は皮膚のしわを増すが情熱を失う時に精神はしぼむ。
苦悶や、狐疑、不安、恐怖、失望、
こう言うものこそ恰も長年月の如く人を老いさせ、
精気ある魂をも芥に帰せしめてしまう。
年は六十であろうと十六であろうと、
その胸中に抱き得るものは何か。
曰く「驚異えの愛慕心」空にひらめく星晨、
その輝きにも似たる事物や思想の対する欽迎、
事に處する剛毅な挑戦、
小児の如く求めて止まぬ探求心、
人生への歓喜と興味。
人は信念と共に若く 疑惑と共に老ゆる
人は自信と共に若く 恐怖と共に老ゆる
希望ある限り若く 失望と共に老い朽ちる
大地より、神より、人より、美と喜悦、
勇気と壮大、偉力と霊感を受ける限り人の若さは失われない。
これらの霊感が絶え、
悲歎の白雪が人の心の奥までも蔽いつくし、
皮肉の厚氷がこれを固くとざすに至れば
この時にこそ人は全くに老いて神の憐れみを乞う他はなくなる。
–
Youth Samuel Ullman
Youth is not a time of life ― it is a state of mind;
it is a temper of the will,
a quality of the imagination,
a vigor of the emotions,
a predominance of courage over timidity,
of the appetite for adventure over love of ease.
Nobody grows old by merely living a number of years;
people grow old only by deserting their ideals.
Years wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.
Worry, doubt, self‐distrust, fear and despair ―
these are the long, long years that bow the head
and turn the growing spirit back to dust.
Whether seventy or sixteen,
there is in every being’s heart the love of wonder,
the sweet amazement at the stars and the starlike things and thoughts,
the undaunted challenge of events,
the unfailing childlike appetite for what next,
and the joy and the game of life.
You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt;
as young as your self‐confidence, as old as your fear,
as young as your hope, as old as your despair.
So long as your heart receives messages of beauty,
cheer, courage, grandeur and power from the earth,
from man and from the Infinite,
so long you are young.
When the wires are all down
and all the central place of your heart is covered with the snows
of pessimism and the ice of cynicism,
then you are grown old indeed
and may God have mercy on your soul.
***
Rest in peace, my grandpa – Your spirit will stay with us forever.